I Thought I Could, and So I Did

Building confidence goes so far beyond wearing a bold color or smiling at some hottie at a bar. Here's what I did and now I'm unstoppable!

This post isn’t about “body positivity” but we need to start at the beginning. When I first started posting online in the mid 2010’s, I thought that I was just a girl who happed to be fat posting outfits online. At the start, it felt annoying to be marginalized and categorized when I wasn’t specifically talking about my body - and wasn’t really game for other people to talk about my body either.

As time when on and the “body positive” movement really took hold, I felt pressure to lean in. Many of us early blogger girlies would get a lot of press attention and without fail always be asked “how are you so confident??”. An obvious insult to many of us because, why wouldn’t we be? Fashion industry code for “omg, I would shrivel and die if I looked like you”. I’ve personally been asked 100(?!) times with the even crazier follow up question, “What part of your body do you love most?”. I’d consistently answer, my brain. While I’m incredibly glad that I did lean into that early movement because though showing up for my audience, I showed up for myself in a lot of ways. It forced me to actually think about the choices I made ie. do I like this or does it make me look smaller. Also, to interrogate the respectability politics that I benefited from as someone with access to luxury items and who dressed in a way that thin women considered stylish.

Most of the things things that helped grow my confidence, especially in my 20’s were my ideas. My ability to see and express outside of the proverbial box. Successes as a marketer/publicist, campaigns that I created, getting dressed as a person in a bigger body with exponentially less options and still being able to articulate my point of view - these were some of the major things that made me feel confident as a person. And though confidence in your appearance is different, it’s not entirely separate in my view. Boom, bop, bam - time goes on, I feel generally good about me (nothing is fixed and no one is confident all the time) and life progresses.

Because I’m a reflective little soul, I’m constantly pondering what are my “why’s”. Do I not like a thing, am I afraid of a thing? Am I being avoidant? When it comes to certain types of home updates, I’ve built not only my platform but my skill set on not being afraid to try - style a room, change my mind. Buy a thing, sell a thing. Shift and move things around, hiring help as needed. Last winter, while redesigning my sister’s bedroom and home office, something clicked. She’s much more of a can do spirit when it comes to putting things together, using tools etc. We tackled things together that I just wouldn’t have tried alone. Simple things I.e. changing light fixtures, hanging curtains, patching holes became much less scary.

Flash forward to Q1 of this year and I’ve become a regular Tim the Toolman! I kicked things off with installing a light fixture by myself, I was so proud! There are so many projects that I’m looking forward to as I’m updating my home but the first major one was closing off what I unaffectionately refer to as “kitchen hole”. This cutout was diabolical at best. I knew that I hated it but had I known how easy it was get rid of, I’d have done it a lot sooner. It all sparked with a partnership I did for IG with Lowes. (This post is not sponsored.)

Initially I’d received a quote for several thousand dollars to fully remove my countertop in order to get ride of the bar. A friend grabbed a saw and some water and just sliced it right off in less than 20 minutes. Boom, money saved. Ya, doing it yourself and working around problems officially has me in a chokehold!

On the first trip to the hardware store on my own and snagged a chisel. Yes, the living room side of “kitchen hole” was tiled. I cannot even begin to understand that choice. It was unclear as to whether we’d be gently removing tile and just going full on smash with the drywall so, I began to chisel off the tile one by one.

Once the decision was made to smash, a smashing I went! Much easier to demo this way. We tapped off the room, pulled out the existing drywall and replaced, patched etc.

I went back to the hardware store with my drywall guy to snag supplies, he’s so great because I wanted to help and do somethings on my own. A day of demo, simple framing, drywall and mudding, a then a day of second layer mudding and texture and a wall was born. I painted it myself - interior painting has always been pretty easy and I don’t mind it.

The home projects have been absolutely wild and I couldn’t be happier! It’s now the top of April and this year so far I have:

Installed new hardware/electronic lock on my front door

Installed a light fixture on my own

Designed my living room (she’s about 90% there)

Hung a mirror

Wood conditioned all of the teak furniture in my backyard

Designed my guest room

Helped build a wall between my kitchen and living room

Painted the exterior of my house

Painted the garage floor and had additional cabinets installed - sharing the full reveal on IG very soon!

Today there are men in my backyard retiling my pool!

It’s been a crazy ride and I’m so grateful and excited that I get to work with brands I love on Incredible projects and that I’ve been pushing myself so far outside of my comfort zone. The confidence I’ve developed doing these things just grows leaps and bounds with each task I complete. If you have been thinking about trying to do something the main thing is to ALWAYS follow rigid safely protocols, then jump in and give it a whirl.

Love you, mean it!
Kellie